I often find myself with great intentions with sub-par follow-through.
Most notably, my intentional daily, intimate time with God.
Currently, I find myself in a place and a “season” in my life that allows for people to show me a little more grace whenever I mention my lack of intimate time with my creator. I’m often reminded that with so many children running around I have a built in excuse and quiet time is somewhat of an elusive occurrence and a nearly unattainable state.
Yet, I find myself desperate for that time. I have an insatiable need for intimacy with my Heavenly Father.
My heart’s desire in this life is to serve Him. I long to be used as a vessel for Him and all those other very “Christian” things I can say. My heart longs to teach others about Him and to love others the way Christ loves them. All of them. Even those who make me want to pull my hair out because they just don’t seem to get it.
I’ve spent a lot of time this past year seeking and searching for my “place”. I have become a bit resentful towards those who have reinforced my place at home. I’ve been envious of those who God seems to be using to do great things here on this Earth to build His eternal Kingdom.
And, sadly, I’ve taken for granted this gift He has given me.
I have been handed a houseful of blessings on a silver platter and I have scoffed at the opportunity to savor every joy. I have longed for the greener grass. I have allowed the desire for earthly treasures to slowly procure parts of my heart I had set aside to be used to serve Him.
During this season of my life, I have allowed myself to feel as though I was drowning and was, therefore, reaching for and desperately grabbing anything I could get my hands on to try to pull myself out of the current.
The reality is, I have been acting more like a scolded child being sent to her room so in a desperate attempt to prove I’m in charge I’ve grabbed everything I could get my hands on and chucked it at the floor.
Making excuses for not having a quiet, intimate time with my Heavenly Father has not panned out well for me. While I have been desperately searching for something to make me feel valued and loved, God was right there waiting for me to find my refuge, my strength, and my value in Him.
There are a million others things in this world that I can choose to spend my time on. I can look at the messes that surround me and decide that I’m better off cleaning up that spill or wiping that nose or changing that diaper. God sees that spill. God sees the yucky noses and the dirty diapers.
He also sees me. He knows my heart. He knows my desires. He loves me. More than I could ever love another being. He loved my so much that He sent His Son to die for me.
There can’t be any more excuses. My busyness is not a burden, but a blessing.
The only way I will ever be equipped to go out into the world is if I have first spent time with the One who created it.